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Man Awkwardly Argues In Favour Of Legalised ‘Happy Endings’ At Council Meeting

Happy Endings'

Sometimes you have to face your fears. Put yourself in places that, perhaps, you don’t want to go. Challenge yourself.

For some, that might be jumping out of a plane, for others, it might be forcing themselves to run a marathon, or standing on a tall building, or getting in a lift or simply going out to meet new people.

It could even be speaking in front of a crowd, a common fear that many people have.

If the thing that gets you up in front of the microphone is a heartfelt desire to see legal handjobs, then so be it.

That’s what one man in Kansas has done.

A video of a bloke making a defence of legalised prostitution, via handjobs in massage parlours, to his local city commission has gone viral.

The man, one Chris Flowers of Lawrence, Kansas, spoke to his City Commission and subsequently the video has made its way around the internet, even ending up being discussed on Jimmy Kimmel Live, where the late night TV host called it ‘maybe the best local city council meeting speech ever’.

Flowers compares the legalisation of handjobs to the legalisation of weed in Colorado – a state that neighbours Kansas – and ruminates on the role of government in American life vis-a-vis state control and freedom.

“If licenses and regulations help stop sex trafficking, and if Kansas truly wanted to put an end to sex slavery, shouldn’t they allow grown adults to engage in prostitution legally, and then regulate and license that?” argues Flowers.

“When you ban something outright, that forces what you ban onto the black market, and the black market is where shady stuff starts happening.”

On the legalisation of weed, he says that ‘the same basics apply to prostitution’.

“If prostitution was legalised and reasonably regulated, then most people would rather deal with a legitimate licensed prostitute than have to deal with pimps and potential sex slaves.

“So I propose this: The city allows for licensed masseurs to give genital massages, if the masseur and the client both agree to it.”

Lawrence, Kansas, is one of the few cities in America that would actually able to accede to his demands, should the council decide to, as Kansas devolves legislation regarding prostitution to city level.

“We let someone get naked and have every other part of their body touched and rubbed by a massage therapist – hell we let proctologists spend their day fingering men,” adds Flowers.

“If a grown adult wants a (bleep) job and another grown adult is willing to give one for money, then let them. That’s both freedom and capitalism, and that’s the foundation of our country.

“That would truly be a happy ending for everyone” concludes Chris.

Now I don’t have any particular opinion on this debate in either direction, nor do I have any wish to campaign on the issue, but for a pun as good as that, I would stand up in front of a crowd of fellow citizens and argue for just about anything.

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