Crop Top: For a lot of us, the world of high fashion can seem a bit pretentious and up itself. Stick thin or strange-looking people parade up catwalks wearing clothes that look both odd and uncomfortable.
However, for the first time, we’ve now found a piece of high fashion that even the pickiest dresser can get behind – the male crop top.
OK, so that might have been a lie. It looks ridiculous.
Should you so desire, you can get this garment online at retailer ASOS. It is part of the retailer’s “reclaimed vintage inspired collection” which sounds like four words picked out of a fashion item name generator.
According to ASOS, it comes in small, medium, or large. In reality, it comes in only one size – too small.
Online, we are told that it “fits you just right” and is perfect “for when less is more”. Righto, I believe you, millions wouldn’t.
Let’s face the facts, it’s not going to work for you unless you’re already incredibly muscular and well-toned. Also, if you plan to wear it in winter, you’d better live somewhere it’s not going to be freezing cold.
I know what you’re asking – how much to get my hands on one of these fine garments? Well, it’s going to set you back around £10.
However – and this is just a suggestion – why not just lop half the fabric off one of your existing shirts and make do with that?
Of course, this is a wholly facetious argument, and people should be allowed to wear whatever they like. But, by that same token, we’re allowed to say that they are silly. That’s just how it goes.
At the end of the day, if you want to wear ASOS’ ‘extreme cropped vest’, you’re going to get one. You might be the very peak of physical fitness and completely ripped, but you’re still going to look like a dickhead.
However, it’s not the strangest one that we’ve heard about recently. If you really want, you can spend the best part of a grand on a t-shirt with another shirt sewn to the front of it.
Again, why exactly you’d want that is anybody’s guess, but should you wish, you can pay Balenciaga £935 for the privilege.
The brand has tried to justify this monstrosity by suggesting that it has “two wearing options” – so you can wear a t-shirt in the day, then switch to a button-up shirt in the evening, wearing the t-shirt as some sort of cape?
As fashion options go, that’s not far away from suggesting you can get double wear out of a pair of underpants by turning them inside out.
Actually, that’s not a bad idea…