They say you can categorize human beings into only 16 personality types. That seems like only a handful of different types for almost 7 billion people. Although the projected figure of bargirls/sex workers in Thailand is supposedly close to half a million, there are 5 different types of bargirl. That basically means there is more diversity in the variety of bargirls than in human civilization. If you are prowling the bars of Pattaya for the first time, or need a pointer in the right direction, here are the 5 varieties of bargirl you will encounter on a night out and how to handle them.
1: The Agogo Superstar
The Agogo Bar Superstar is a special breed of bargirl that is attracted to shiny things like a magpie, but has the Gaul and cunning of a fox. Usually frequenting high-end go-go bars in places such as Walking Street Pattaya, these sublime beauties slither around the poles and dancefloors and are revered with superstar status amongst the bar-mongering fraternity and need to be treated like a cross between Princess Di and Elizabeth Taylor. They can cost you 1,000 THB in bar fines and 3 or 4 times that amount for a short-time appearance, but c’mon, they are superstars, so what did you expect?
2: Short-Time Beer Bar Girl
The Short-Time Beer Bar girl usually lurks in the dark alleyways and bars of Soi 6 in Pattaya and is a master at plying her trade. She is like the production line of bar girls, knocking out jaded customers one after the other. With the stamina of a marathon runner and the skills of a brain surgeon, when you want a guaranteed 20-minutes of unbridled heat and then want to go about your everyday business, this girl is the perfect catch for you… well, for a short time anyway!
3: Lovely Long-Time GF-Experience Bar Girl
Did you think it was possible for a bargirl to be clingy? If you said ‘yes’, you are probably a handsome guy in your 20s or 30s who has to kick girls out of the bed every day of the week. For the everyday bar-mongerer in his 40s, 50s and 60s,, when we want to feel special, we find a lovely long-time bargirl in a beer bar. Long-time girls want to come and stay with you for your entire holiday. They are perfect if you want to some companionship to visit Koh Chang or another island, but you must be weary when they place their toothbrush next to yours in YOUR bathroom. Long-time girls are great, for a short time that is!
4: Porn Star Experience Bar Girl
If you want to the full porn-star experience that will leave you with a ruptured spleen or a cracked pelvis, you must have just gotten divorced. The lesser spotted porn-star bargirl can be difficult to track down, but when you have one, she will pin you to the bed like a pneumatic drill. You will only know you have captured a porn-star type when they start to take out tools from their handbags before a session, so you have been warned.
5: The Long-Time Bar Girl Player
Your new Thai bar girl is ‘different’, right? You have been with her for a lengthy two weeks and she never asked you for money outside of buying some cockroaches from the local fried insect vendor. This girl might not ask for anything during your entire holiday, but you better believe she is playing what we refer to as the ‘long-game’. At some point in the not-too-distant-future and without almost any warning, you can bet your bottom dollar that the family buffalo in village get sick or papa fall out of a tree and needs his hospital bills paying. Please do remember though, she is ‘different!’ and not about money at all!